Post CNY Stress
Finished hectic week!
didn't really think i would feel so stressed upon coming back from SG after Chinese New Year.. but it was! Came back on Tue afternoon, had Theology exam on Wed which i hadn't studied for. Thank GOD, (God is soo cool again), the afternoon classes were cancelled so i could study abit ! Tue evening it was a bday celerbation for my roomie, and then when we came back , it was another surprise party for her at the dorm! haha.. i really had minimal time to study for my exam! Was also helping to coordinate the surprise in between also.. and when i landed, i found out about the other assignments i had to do while i was away.. was really STReSSED!
Of course i enjoyed the parties and she really did too! THANK GOD that she was so many other wonderful friends that wanted to bless her so!! Anyway, iam really glad to have known her as my roomie, just feel abit bad that i couldn't really have been there throughout all her parties (she had another one on the next day evening), but i was really too tired.. and abit stressed out. That's as much High I-ness i can take over 2 days and over CNY!! really God's grace that i managed to finish what i finished.. THANK GOD
Somehow.. been having an increasing desire to go back home.. but i guess also afraid. Going back this CNY, i felt.. abit distant from the rest of the people in Singapore. I feel like i need to come back and rebuild relationships... kinda abit scary also.. but in a way also good, coz perhaps, i can start again? Really don't know. THings are coming to a gradual winding down here in Manila somehow.. we've had a wonderful time, a great time.. but i think all ofus are also getting conscios of the work ahead of us to do! And i guess all partially excited, but also partially apprehensive! Even though i know we will surely miss my classmates in Manila, it also comforting for me to know that we are all still in one spiritual family and now whichever country i go to, i will have another friend. I am so thankful for the relationships i have here.
it's a funny feeling though.. just this whole multiple relationship thing all over the world.. sometimes i wished that we would somehow be altogether and build from there.. but that is so not biblical also..haha. God's plan is for us to disperse and scatter throughout the world that we may bring His Good News to as many places as possible not to congregate in one place so that in the process, we can build a bigger family. I guess it's also having a conscious awareness of this because sometimes its just so easy to keep something good for urself. I feel like i've left pieces of me all over the world in that process. :p
Well,.. i still don't know what to expect when i graduate, but i;m sure i;ll get past it as i've always had, with God by my side. He has given me so much!! especially in times when i should logically have the least! I just realised that i have never gotten as much "property" as i have now, when i have the least income! :P A nice laptop, digital Camera, new HP, MP3 player and travelling in a span of 7 months! I don't know how it all happened honestly! Truly God moves in mysterious ways... HIS understanding goes beyond ours!
Chinese New Year in SG
Have just returned from watchin I Not Stupid Too with my family!
It's a great great show.. once again..i marvel at Jack Neo's ability to know what's happening at the grassroots level.. to grasp what's happening in the minds of the masses, youths, parents, teachers and government authorities. That is truly one quality I admire and look up to him for, the ability to understand and connect with the masses! I wonder how he does it?? How does he know what's "in" with the youths and what's out.. and what goes on in the minds of parents crafted so well and also the ability to know the struggles of teachers and just issues of the heartlanders in general. I am, again, amazed.
Today was abit of a nostalgic day.. went to do our usual CNY first day routine with the exception of church service slotted in between since this year it falls on Sunday! a short summary goes:
1) Breakfast of "Mee Sua" at Ah Peh's place (Dad's side)
2) Church Service @ Amara Hotel
3) Lunch at Ah Gong's place (Mum's side)
4) Run errands
5) Dinner @ AhPeh's with Loh Hei!
6) Movie!
But it was nostalgic coz we went back to the flat unit that i used to stay when i was young (0 to 8 yrs old) . we live in the same block of flat as Ah Peh and today we went down to look at our old unit #09-1413! I actually rang the doorbell coz i wanted to ask the owner (unfortunately no one was in) if we could look in the house. It's been 18 years.. and i was wondering if i would find the place as big as i had felt it was when i was young! I remembered that it was such a nice place to run around in.. so big! but i wonder if that was because we were much smaller sized then. There were so many places to hide.. so many places to explore. Then when we reached the void deck of our side of the flat, that i literally had not stepped there since 18 years ago! I saw the path that i would take to go for my art classes.. to the community service centre behind me, where i got chased by 2 dogs, saw a snake etc.. MEMORIES awash me! sigh.. there was a tug in my heart to recall my childhood.. those carefree days, days of going for art lessons, swimming, piano lessons and of course the not so happy ones of tuition..haha.
Just thought back of everythign that my parents had done for me and brother, to ensure we had the best in education, we were so happy! We were blessed. God was with us, though we didn't know it then. Really I am blessed.
I am 26 yo now.. and somehow, i feel abit removed from that part of my life. It's as if i'm living in a totally environment.. it's like from a true heartlander, i have morphed into a international person. And i enjoy my international 'persona' but there was also something abt the heartlander that i miss.. and looking back, it's almost like i lived two lives.
well, somehow feeling abit sad now, this present moment as i type. a slight feeling of disorientation.. though i must say i really missed the youths, esp when I saw them. It's more like, i didn't hink i missed them, but when i saw them, i realised htat i really wanted to be back here with them! Somehow, am really excited for their lives and all that will happen in their lives! It's hard to describe, but i feel like i'm going into a new phase of my life, where i draw my excitement from the lives of other pp, things happening to them or going to happen to them.. and not so much of what's happening to me now (tho still have lah)
I remembered the days when i used to be so introverted, cautious, selfconsicious when i visited my relatives, but now.. i'm like, whatever!! haha.. i just want to find out how they are doing. God has really changed me somewhere along the way i guess~
Still feeling slightly disoriented.. perhaps its just me flying about too much in a such a short span of time.. not used to this kinda life.. i feel like i've left peices of my life around..haha.. in Manila with my classmates, in my old friends, in my childhood memories and now back here in Singapore. I must say, that it takes time for me to gather my thoughts back again every once in awhile, just to kinda rediscover who i am and what i'm doing. Fairly bizarre state of my mind.. but i;m alrite.
