Tomatoian Thoughts

Unconventionally Fulfilling Life

Well it's almost midnite as i type this.. so i'll keep it short.

Feels great to be back at the dorm though i'm still in the process of letting reality sink in.. amazing what technological advancement in air travel has done to our world.. one moment u wake up in one country and in awhile you're spending the night in another!

i didn't expect it, but i guess i'm already missing Singapore in some ways.. yet at the same time, it feels so good to be back at the dorm with my new friends.. the warm welcome i received.. the hugs and beso-beso..haha.. i miss that. I really feel like a part of a family! That's one thing i love about spiritual family.. wherever i go.. it's like I have family. Honestly, i feel like i can live anywhere in the world with spiritual family! and i love that feeling :)

The bible reminds us that our citizenship is in heaven and we are but sojourners of this world.. But i just realised how wonderful it is to have abit of heaven here on earth, simply because of the relationships that we have with other fellow sojourners here now. These are the relationships that we will carry on for eternity, not separated by distance nor culture... it's just an awesome, awesome feeling.

When i went to Sharon's wedding on 5 Nov 05, i met many of my peers from SNGS and got plenty more updates about the rest of pp.. many of them are all high flyers now.. officers in Ministry of Finance, Education, Lawyers, Architects, Doctors etc.. and I was just thinking back that ALL my SNGS closest girlfriends ( i.e. Ann, Yinwei, Bea, Joon, Sharon and Xiuyan) are either attached or married to scholars cum Dean's Listers! And of course naturally, i began to think of myself, and where i am now.. single, not working professionally now.. nowhere near the accomplishments (as defined in the regular world) that these pp have achieved. And i guess that really prompted me to think, if i made the right choices.. and if i gave up the right things in my life. In a way.. i think this was probably the first time i literally "counted" the cost of being a disciple coz i never really thought about it. I guess i'd pretty much jumped headlong into following Christ from the day i knew He is real and He is good.. and never really looked back.

Anyway, meeting up with these people really caused me to think hard.. and for a moment, my heart panicked with the competitive streak in me coming up.. i wanted to compare myself with them! But, quite amazingly, this was stilled in time because I realised, if i really inspect my life, I am happy. I mean not just happy, but contented and thrilled with the way my life has turned out. My life is not conventional, i know.. and it's never been conventional since i came to know the Lord. It fact, it has been nothing less than fascinating. Not without trial and challenge, but certainly fascinating. Let me try to ennumerate for myself the key highlights of my life since then:

1) Going for Fall Exchange program in PSU - Travelled to NYC, Philly, Toronta, Niagara Falls
2) Going myanmar to teach english
3) Enrolled myself for a month in CHINA to learn to teach english as a second language
4) Plant myself in Manila for 10 months to take on a Christian leadership course..

and being able to share the word in Chinese when i was blacklisted in SNGS for my chinese, to sing again, and leading worship (im not good at it still but at least i did it! :p ) when my voice was condemned by my music teacher, to now speak before adults and youths in large groups when i was even afraid to speak unseen over the PA system in secondary school..And all these in the midst of my many personal and family life changes..

God has done so much for me and He has taken me to places i never would have dreamt of for myself.. and do things i would never thought i'd do. He gave me a bigger heart than i knew i had. My life IS unconventional.. and i love it! Not necessarily successful as the world defines it.. but certianly fulfilling for me :)

One of my greatest fears when i was young was that i'd turn out to be one of those "boring adults"... hahah.. and though i'm not exactly the most exciting of all pp, but i know my life is definitely NOT boring!

And just as i was mulling over whether i made the right choices... i remembered my friends at the dorm in philippines.. my "spiritual family" friends from the different nations.. and i just knew and knew i had NO regrets taking 1 year and going to Manila.. if for nothing but to have known such great men and women as friends. I am so incredibly blessed.

Not only so, i was just reading a book on inner healing and deliverance.. but what struck me the most was the fact that Jesus came to free us from all these unnecessary bondage and baggage in our lives! feelings of rejection, strive for perfectionism, depression, worry etc.. He came just so we wouldn't have to go through all that! He gave His life that we may have power over all that and we don't have to lead a life of meaninglessness and drudgery. For the life of me, i can never figure out why He'd do that.. but He did.. and i know it's just love. How deep, how high , how long, how wide His love is for us.. i've yet to comprehend. but I am grateful. Jesus didn't have to do it, but He chose to. It's true, as some one once said: " it's either Jesus was either a really really crazy man, or He was really who He said He is.. the Son of God." And I say He is the Son of God.

God has been so nice to me.... as undeserving as I am.. He has been soo nice. Thank You so much, Jesus. I don't know what i can do.. but to tell people about You. THank YOU!

posted by Ivy @ 11:55 PM